[WARNING: This is a satirical article, and is meant for humor…]
Residents across Edison, New Jersey have been left scratching their heads due to strange “drone” sightings across the skies, especially at night. Many simply chose to dismiss these alien devices as harmless, suspicious, mundane, worrisome, and irrelevant until realizing the gravity of their mistake.
After grueling hours searching the skies and interviewing millions, it has become apparent that these flying machines are anything but harmless. Worst of all, the masterminds behind the drones circling New Jersey have finally been revealed: students at John P. Stevens (JPS) High School. While some of them are working under the pretense of completing a capstone project, others are pushing fear into their fellow citizens out of sheer boredom and teenage angst.
It has been found that the students who made these contraptions were building a project as a part of their Want to Be Engineers But Can’t class. Unfortunately, government officials have taken an interest in the Want to Be Engineers But Can’t course due to its introduction of the year-long drone project. Authorities seek to expand the slipshod program across the nation and place a headquarters for drone control somewhere in the Gulf of America.
Kant Cook, a student attending the north end high school, recently spoke out about his involvement with creating the drones.
“Yeah, I mean what can I say except you’re welcome,” said Cook. “I can’t believe you EHS students were actually able to figure this out considering you guys are not the sharpest tools in the shed.”
Rumors that initially surfaced as jokes about the JPS students being culprits have now become a horrifying reality for students at Edison High School (EHS). In fact, a cult has formed around the recent buzz, with several students stepping up to fight back against these threatening J.P. Drones. These students are making their own drones, with a variety of plans, from striking more fear into New Jerseyans to attacking and disassembling the J.P Drones.
Several teachers at EHS have stepped up to sponsor these beautiful creations, creating their own class: Want to Be Engineers and Maybe? Will Be? Sort of. One of the leading teachers in this revolt is English teacher Mrs. Rhee Doo, who never considered the possibility of a future in engineering. Doo had become tired of grading countless stacks of essays and hearing students ask “Is this going to be on the test?“ Doo now feels that her reading skills and ability to overanalyze text could land her any engineering job because building skyscrapers and critical close reading go hand-in-hand.
Likewise, EHS students have found their way of contributing to this fight against JPS.
“It is my solemn duty as an Edison High School student to do as I can to thwart these drones and bring an end to this nonsense once and for all!” said Noah Vale ‘25. He is one of many drone warriors throughout all grade levels revolting against the J.P. Drones. Vale stated they were inspired by the colonists who rebelled against the British in the 1950s and those hiding in the bathrooms during the hall sweeps.
Whether or not these drones make it into the skies is unknown, but the news is flying around.
“One of these days, those JPS students will be doing something new,” stated Ella Vader ‘26. “When the citizens panic, we as EHS students will be sure to step in and save the day that is, right after we finish our homework for AP Brainrot.”
But as our drones get prepared to fly in the skies, the question that everyone begs to ask is whether these EHS students are truly doing this out of the good of their hearts. Principal Ross Charles however, reinforces the positivity of these Edison High School students’ actions.
“At Edison High, everyone is guaranteed to fly, even if they’re flying drones,” said Charles.
